Self-Compassion is the foundation
Dear Friends,
Lately I’ve been asking myself, and others ‘what is self-compassion, and how do you experience it?’
The answers I receive vary widely and most people I find have never really considered this question, nor been able to easily answer it.
So I ask you now dear reader to pause, and ask yourself the question- ‘how do I experience self-compassion?’
Just being willing to deeply consider this question is, in itself, self-compassion.
Self-compassion, in my experience, does not come easily as most of us are conditioned to be compassionate towards others but not towards ourselves.
And yet, having some capacity to extend compassion towards ourselves when we are suffering is an important foundation for living a vibrant and truly fulfilling life.
The alternative to self-compassion is self-cruelty, something that we have all experienced mainly through our self-demeaning thoughts. These thoughts may be so habitually running through our neural pathways that we don’t even notice them, but we do feel the emotional pain they generate.
It can be very supportive to receive compassion from others, from skillful therapists or our loved ones, but in my experience, we benefit most when the compassion comes from within.
A few months back I had a profound experience with this. While sharing something about my childhood with someone I’ve been working with, she responded with ‘I’m really sorry that happened to you.’
Now I’ve probably heard these, or similar words hundreds of times in my life, but for whatever reason, they went in. Perhaps I was simply more open to receiving them in that moment or perhaps it was the depth of compassion with which she spoke them.
Later that evening, while not able to sleep, I placed myself in Child pose and said these same words to myself. And miraculously, they went in!
I felt them touch that part of me that needed to hear them and then I cried, hard. I felt a huge release and a depth of self-compassion that I had never before experienced.
My experience is that self-compassion opens our heart like nothing else.
It takes courage to explore and practice self-compassion, to step back and see ourselves and our situation from a wider perspective. It is so easy to slip into self-blame or self-judgement rather than pausing long enough to recognize that what we are really needing is compassion.
It also takes a willingness to go beyond what we now know, and open to the unknown.The first step into the unknown is usually the hardest. Our minds and bodies want to stay in the familiar, no matter how painful.
One of the greatest gifts self-compassion offers is that it teaches us to trust - ourselves and life. It helps us trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be - here, in this moment, in this experience, in these relationships.
Our ‘Exploring Death to Liberate Life’ retreats (see below) are definitely a step into the unknown, and self-compassion is the foundation for delving into the great mystery. Contemplating death in a safe and sacred circle is one of the most direct ways I have discovered to access self-compassion, and compassion for others. Compassion is the ground from which we honor the birth / death / rebirth cycles of life.
I’d love to hear what self-compassion is for you and how you may experience it for yourself. And I am happy to share more about what invites self-compassion in my own experience if you’d like to connect personally for a one-to-one session.
PS Here’s a inspiring Ted Talk on the topic. I can also recommend this book that shares both the science and practice of self-compassion
PSS Let me know if this audio version was helpful to receive!
Exploring Death to Liberate Life
with Elysabeth and Margie
May 15 -18 at The Drala Center
The fear of death, our own and our loved ones, is one of our greatest fears. How would we live our lives differently if we contemplated and even practiced this ultimate letting go?
This powerful workshop explores both our personal relationship with death and dying and the practice of holding sacred space for others to explore this great mystery.
We begin the retreat with transformational conversation about what is often left unspoken on the topic of death. Throughout our time together, we explore what feels unfinished and unexpressed in our lives if we were to die today.
Included throughout the weekend are sound healing and embodiment practices, designed to support us in releasing fear and opening to the eternal aspects of our being.
The peak practice is Savasana, the ancient Yogic practice for death, which teaches us how to align our mind and body in ways that encourage the deepest release on every level. Want to learn more about Savasana? Elysabeth has written a blog on Savasana practice, which can give more insight into how this practice enriches our lives.
No previous yoga experience is required. All are welcome.
This retreat will provide the opportunity to:
Cultivate the presence and tools needed to face fears related to death and dying
Connect with the courage and clarity to live your life more fully and joyfully
Release the past through forgiveness and gratitude
Deepen your capacity for compassionate connection with yourself and others
Open to the eternal aspects of your being, who you are beyond form
Testimonials from recent participants:
“I am feeling blissful on the edge of tears with gratitude for my experience here. As a Christian minister, I came seeking renewal for myself and something to bring back to my community, and I definitely found it here” -Cheryl
“For those that want to explore truth and the essence of who we are, this retreat provided it for every participant. I am definitely feeling more liberated to live my life more fully” -Mary
“I came to this program with lots of terror and I totally did not want to come. The self-inquiry questions were so spot on to help us get to the root of our fears. It was truly transformational to come in with deep fear and leave with feelings of peace and joy and a whole new way to view death.” -Azi
“The fear and anxiety that often arises in groups dropped away very quickly. Everyone was very supportive and it was a lovely experience” -Cynthia
Months later I can say I still feel a renewed commitment to living my life from a place of freedom and joy, and to being less swayed by fear when confronted by difficult feelings real time in my life. - Gina, NY
